MCreates

I was in the office and was supposed to meet with one of my clients late that evening when I received the call from my sister. Our great aunt -Teresita, was brought to the hospital and we need to go home. It was unexpected. She had a stroke and hit her head on the marble floor, and now she’s in a coma. I went home and just packed some clothes for a day. I was sure she will recover. She may be 90 years old but she is way stronger than those younger than her. When we got into the hospital, she was still unconscious, barely responding when we tried to speak with her. She was moved to the ICU a few hours after we arrived. A day passed, slowly, we thought she’s recovering that the doctor told us that we can already find a room for her. While we were talking to the reception for the rooms, the doctor called us to the ICU where we spent the next hour seeing her as she slowly leaves us, permanently.

It was at that moment that I first really experienced loss. I had my real grandparents passed but the pain is different when I lost her. She had been more of a mother to me during my childhood, along with her 2 other sisters. The other two passed on years before though it was also painful, her passing made mortality even more real. I thought she will live forever, I thought they will stay forever.

They were 8 siblings, 4 girls and 4 boys. Half married and half of them stayed single – 3 women and 1 man. They all stayed in the ancestral house but my grandmother lives just a few hundred meters away. Since my grandparents were struggling to raise their 4 kids, they decided to have my mother, their only girl, to stay with the unmarried aunts and uncle. After my parents got married, they stayed with them while they try to save up for their own house. Since both are working, they needed to leave me with my great aunts even after they moved to our house. I stayed there, as well as my sister during our years in elementary. My brother was the only one who lived with my parents during his early childhood. They both left their jobs at that time and already managing their own business.

They say growing up with grandparents make you spoiled. We probably were but it also taught us a lot about sacrifice. They did not get married because they had no suitors. They did not get married because they needed to take care of the family. My great aunt Teresita had to take care of their parents when they got sick of old age. Great aunt Maria was the first born girl and has always been busy with her household chores. She is also very shy but she’s an excellent cook that she’s being invited to cook in nearby villages during festivities. Great aunt Enrica was the breadwinner and really focused on supporting the family. They were not poor but they were not rich either. They have lived during the war and security is something that they always strive for.

Looking back at my childhood, I always remember how they taught us to share. A bar of chocolate will be divided equally among all of us, then us kids will get a better share because they will also give us their share. We were taught to make sure that if we eat, that the others also eat. Well, they also spoil us by cooking food just for us if they know we don’t like what’s on the table. But they also make sure that we do not waste what we were served, otherwise, we get a good scolding.

As I grow up, I also had my teenage angst. They tend to be overprotective so they do not allow us to do certain things. I didn’t like them for a while. But as I grow older, I learned to appreciate all that they have done. How they will heat water early morning so I will not bathe with cold water. How they will cook our breakfast everyday so we don’t leave the house with an empty stomach. How they will sacrifice their share of the simple pleasures that they are able to get just so we can have a bigger share – from chocolates to buying us clothes and shoes, instead of buying for themselves. For getting an educational plan to secure my future in case my parents are unable to send me to college. For sneakily giving me money whenever I visit so I can buy things that I like. Even when I had the money to buy them things, they will always tell me to just keep it, that they want me to save my money for my future.

I keep saying that when I get to a certain level, I will give them this or that to repay them for all that they have done for me. Yet, work and life got in my way that I did not even get to visit them as much to make them happy. I got preoccupied on achieving my milestones so I can give them something, yet, even after achieving those, I don’t get to visit. I thought they will just be there, always waiting for me to arrive. I can still imagine their faces whenever we get out of the car to visit them. The sadness that they feel whenever we leave, always asking when are we going to return. Until slowly, one by one, they are gone and the shopping spree or vacations that I planned for them can no longer include them. I just get consolation from the thought that they are still there, watching over us. The consolation that they have lived a life worthy of heaven so they must be partying there instead. What could be better, right? Yet, every once in a while, I still feel that sting. A stab in the heart, the pain that I will no longer be able to see them again. The pain of regret of not spending more time with them.