MCreates

I woke up today with a stronger determination to change my life. The dream of being free from the confines of the corporate office seems to be rather elusive, and now my drive to be freed from it has gone stronger. To be liberated from the routines of the corporate life — the daily, weekly, monthly, quarterly and annual reports, dealing with problematic employees, and the office politics. Free from the 9 to 5 schedule. Free to nurture my creativity and explore my surroundings, and maybe eventually, the world. There are just a lot of things that happen around us and the constraints of following a 9 to 5 schedule hinders me from experiencing life as it happens.

Yet, how does one live without income? There are bills to pay, and mouths to feed and a lifestyle to sustain, as we normally say. Where do we find the balance? The balance to live life to the fullest and fulfilling our responsibilities. I know, I am not the only one. The dream for freedom is definitely not something that is just mine. I am sure everybody wants to be free to live the life that they want. I wonder, if anyone has figured it out. Maybe, some of us have found that balance and are now living a life that they have designed.

There are days when it hits me, realizing that I have limited time make me anxious. Thinking that I am not exactly where I want to be, not living the life exactly how I want and ought to live makes me feel stressed on certain days. That pursuit for meaning and freedom even brings me to the point of desperation leading me to rush things, trying to make up for the lost time by doing a million things at once. Yet, when I have calmed down, I end up living the same, back to my daily rhythm, to the point of complacency. The daily, boring, mundane life of a corporate worker. Until the time when reality hits me again that time has passed and I am still not where I want to be. Maybe a little closer at times, yet, at times even farther. Then I go back to rushing, doing a million things to buy my freedom and make up for the lost time. A vicious cycle that never seems to stop. The corporate world is holding me, like an invisible chain that allows me to move around but never really lets me go. Because there are also good days, and some days that we can describe as great. It also gives you that security that you will have your salary for your needs and wants. There are also the colleagues who make you feel that you are in the right place and doing something meaningful. That corporate life is not just the four corners of the office, but the relationships built with those we work with who sometimes become our family. That feeling of familiarity, the security of the routines and the fear of the unknown future if I leave that routine makes up that invisible chains that keep me from leaving.

Yet, how does one live beyond the 9 to 5? How does one find meaning and purpose by doing the routinary tasks? How does one see the world, being stuck in a desk for at least 8 hours a day for 5 days? One day, before my time runs out, I hope to find the answer or maybe, I just need to take a leap of faith and break free from those comfortable chains.